(917): My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
(978): I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
(617): I would be honored to be that friend.
(604): You texted me ‘I am the leopard prince’, with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not “a little bit” drunk dude..
(270): It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
(661): Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
(484): all i remember was you yelling “look at my little feet” at everyone on the way home from the bar.
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