(616): So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes…
(248): What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
(304): My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
(870): These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
(314): At what point during this road trip should I let them know I’ve been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can’t take my turn driving?
(515): If they weren’t representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would’ve punched me in the face.
(218): The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot’s license is so I can use the argument “FUCK YOU! I’M A PILOT!”
(860): ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
(720): ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
(1-720): Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
(720): I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
(720): I rest my case.
(235): Yeah. I mean it wasn’t that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
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